Is it time to slay your Lone Wolf?
I was still a young junior finding my way, up against a well-known Silk.
My case turned on whether his client had forged documents. As I gingerly got my papers in order, he took me to one side with an avuncular smile.
“Dear fellow”, he said, disarmingly, “What are you going to do - a Marshall Hall on my client?”
Marshall Hall was a famous Victorian criminal defence silk known for his remarkable forensic skills. I’d seen the BBC TV series as a kid. The comparison didn’t help.
My stress levels shot up. The Judge came in. The witness was called. My time to cross examine came. It was awful.
Solitary junior barrister alone behind the lectern, unsupported, the case resting solely on my shoulders. Advocacy training had told me this is how it is. Yet the reality was even more terrible.
The witness gave not one inch. It was not like this on TV. Marshall Hall had it so much easier.
Then there was the aftermath: self-indulgent skulking around my home in disappointment. Replaying moments in the minute detail of a parallel reality. Inflicting my misery on my family.
Two decades later it strikes me how debilitating my image of my role was, particularly in moments when I needed support.
I was the Lone Wolf, the heroic warrior, the fate of the client held in my hands.
It wasn’t altogether my fault: then, as now, bar training and culture encouraged the image of sole dependence, utter self-reliance, huge personal responsibility wrapped in precarious reputation. “You are only as good as your last case”, the saying goes.
This misplaced imagery can make us overly grand in victory, overly small in defeat - and closed to learning.
It is not unique to lawyers. Other helping professionals – medics, consultants, therapists, teachers, charity workers – have similar feelings.
The cause is often an imbalance in the key systemic dynamic of exchange, linked to a view of the world where giving is good, kind, and virtuous; but to ask for or receive support is weak, imposing, and bad.
Yet being closed to receiving inevitably leads us to feel unsupported. It also stops others from giving to us, and in this way stunts the growth of deeper relationships.
Now when I stand in court an army stands alongside me. My teachers, mentors, professional colleagues, parents, ancestors, archetypes, whatever I need - and of course members of my team who helped me get my front row seat.
While my performance is my responsibility, the course of the case is a joint endeavour. I try to receive as much as I can from those around me. This perspective is closer to reality.
It engages collaboration and team working.
It strengthens.
Next time you feel unsupported and under-resourced, take a moment to remember how and why you got there.
Who supported you? What skills and talents did you call upon that you have? Who in your family and friend circle strengthens you? What inspiration can you draw from the wider world? How can your sense of purpose and passion ground you?
Very soon, you will not be alone. You will have stayed your Lone Wolf.
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