2023: a guide to success
January has become a significant month in our calendar, the antidote to holiday indulgence, a time to mark change and break from the past. Whether it is Dry January, new gym membership or any other resolution, it is the month to start over.
Yet over and over again our good intentions fall by the wayside before the month is out, leaving our well-intended road paved with failed attempts at impossible goals. So on we go into another year, struggling with the same disruptive thoughts, feelings and emotions circling the drain.
It’s time to face the truth of it: attempts to change merely our external behaviour will seldom create deep change. The sheep in wolf’s clothing remains a sheep.
Perhaps it’s time to look at things differently.
What many overlook is that on the road to meaningful change stands resistance, and the dynamics supporting our resistance often lie deep in our subconscious. And so we enthusiastically set off with good intentions, unaware of this barrier resting in our blind spot.
Our subconscious mind has a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. The ancient parts of our brain governs the functioning of our body and keeps us alive, and our subconscious binds us to hidden loyalties that have protected our families and wider groups of belonging, often for generations. Naturally these elements of our being perceive change as a potential threat, irrespective of the possibility that the change might prove highly beneficial.
Our past survival is a proven fact; the future is uncertain. This is why so many find it easier to continue living with a problem than to solve it.
To make meaningful change, we must look within.
The impetus for change arises from our awareness that something different is needed to be our best selves. This awareness establishes a space for self-inquiry.
Meaningful change occurs when self-inquiry enables a shift in our perspective and a deeper commitment to see things differently. The ability to change one’s perspective is an essential skill in the art of successful living. Reframing what we see and experience so that our relationship to it is enjoyable or helpful allows us to deal successfully with what we cannot control.
Here are four steps you can take to support meaningful change.
First, absolve yourself of the insecure desire to cling tightly to what has happened in the past.
Clinging to the stories of the past is a fail-safe way of resisting change. Ask yourself, what from my past strengthens me, and what holds me back? And then ask, if I left this story behind, what would I do differently?
Allow yourself to dream big: there is wisdom in the expression, “it turned out far better than I could have imagined.”
Secondly, a new beginning requires and ending of the old. To begin well, you must first end well.
When bringing something to an end - for example, a habit or a relationship - be purposeful and conscious. Ask:
What have I gained from this?
What have I given?
What do I need to take back?
In this way you can end well, and move forward with strength without needing to keep looking back. These questions also engage an essential part of any change process: the need to start in the ground of reality by acknowledging what is.
Like any journey, the route depends on the starting point.
Thirdly, value your set backs as part of your learning.
Change involves learning and successful learning requires mistakes to be made. When we see set backs as part of our learning journey, we know each time we face them that we are heading in the right direction.
You learned to walk by stumbling.
Fourthly, be smart: learn the tools of change and find support to meet your needs.
There are many practical resources out there to support change. If you enjoy playing with practical tools, try James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”, a great book packed with simple, evidence based insights making lasting change easier to achieve. Seek professional help from a coach or therapist to address deeper issues and provide you with support over time. A good coach will help you uncover what is hidden so you can find the insights you need, and help you learn tools to support your success.
Change is easier - enjoyable - in the company of someone championing your full potential.
It is not luck that makes some people have more dazzling lives and careers than others. It is a willingness to keep turning the coin over, to see things differently, to explore new territories and to keep learning. Growth and change – the ability to adapt – ensure that we flourish in our personal and professional lives and make us better at supporting those around us. Isn’t that a worthy goal for 2023?